you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
