So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
