I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
