My sheets look like a crime scene.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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