I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
