So drunk its hurt
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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