im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
