We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
