I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
