Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
