My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
