i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
