This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
