why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's blow job season.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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