: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am available for nakedness
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
