Ketchup is God's man juice
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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