maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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