i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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