I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
