so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
