if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
