I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
