C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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