Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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