i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
