Dude my mom stole all your condoms
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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