the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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