That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
