it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
