Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
