After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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