she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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