I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
