i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize