Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
