i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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