Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize