I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
