The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
