How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
