what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize