I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
