I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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