There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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