i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
