Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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