I must be too annoying 4 u.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
