Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize