I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
