she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
