Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize