i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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