My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
