i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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