JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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