I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
