my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
