Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
