Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Buhtt sex?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
