Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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