bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
