are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
