Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
