who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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