So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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