Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
