do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
