Define "chronic" masturbator.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
